Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Been awhile.

Hello all........

Well it been awhile since I've been on here but I figured I might as well use this as sort of a diary for some changes I am going to try to make in my life. It hard to say with everything I have in my life that I wish it was better but I do. I have had to make some changes lately that have not really made me happy but have had to be made.
I don't know if many of you know by I have been battling depression since I was in high school (wow I think that's the first time I've totally let that out). It's been a up and down battle at times but within the last few years it has come to what I believe has been its worst. With different meds and support from family and friends the days have become bearable at times but still the worry of things never goes away. Little things, big things and all the things in between are a major burden with someone with depression.
What most people don't understand is depression changes your whole way of life and how things are handled. Like meds, I have been to the doctor's and been on different meds to help and some do and....... some don't. Like the ones I'm on now, do they help? Yes, but the side effect was a forty five pound weight gain and some pretty drastic mood swings. Is that what I need or want? No. So its back to the drawing board to find something else.
How do you explain to your five year old that Daddy wants to play but can't. I've tried I'm sick, and she makes me some tea from her play tea pot. Its hard all around and I think more people need to know this is out there. Its not something I contracted or got from being sick its just who I am, but not who I want to be.
So that is it, I have depression! I said it, now comes the hard part, what to do about it. Med change is one, but some other things need to be changed to. And with the help of my wife, my daughter, family and friends the line has been drawn for me to follow.
So going forward not only will this blog be about biking its also going to be about the battle to change and take on my life head on.
Hope you come back to read from time to time as its going to be a wild ride.


1 comment:

Rob said...

Sorry I have not been more available for you Randy. That's one thing we both need to change. Let me know if I can help you with anything. How about a little MTB ride some time?